Summer is Here – Time to Play, Party, Picnic, and… Potty Train!

The first day of summer and longest day of the year is now past. It really crept up on me this time, partly because I’m running after two very active little boys and can barely keep track of the days of the week, and partly because it never felt like we had a spring. In Toronto, we have had a cold, wet and dreary season full of chilly rain, mud and very few flowers, but suddenly we’re seeing some sunny warm (even hot!) days, accompanied by bursts of colour that beckon us outside.

For many, summer is the time to take a vacation, to have street parties, to get off work early and relax. Many kids are home, at camp, or enjoying fun activities as they recharge from their school year. The long, lazy days of summer are two months of the year where it’s okay to be out of our normal routines.

For some parents and kids, however, this summer is not quite like others. This summer is the summer before the start of Junior Kindergarten – a major transition for many 3 and 4 year old children and their families, including my own. The start of Kindergarten brings with it a plethora of emotions for children and parents alike – from excitement and anticipation to trepidation and anxiety. A journey into unknown territory of new people, new environments and new routines.

Parents want the best for their children, and so many of us put a lot of effort into preparing our children for Kindergarten. From reading stories about the first day of school in an effort to ease anxieties, to trips taken to the school playground to familiarize our children with their future daytime environment, to special back-to-school outfits, lunchboxes or backpacks that mark this special rite of passage, a lot of thought goes into making our children’s transitions to school as pleasant as possible.

Some parents and children, however, face added stress and anxieties about starting school because of potty training. With the age of potty training completion rising year after year, a culture that expects children to tick off a “readiness” checklist before starting to train, and the expectation that children will self-initiate the process, many 3 and 4 year old children have either not finished or not yet begun their potty training process. This isn’t the fault of the parents or the children. It is the inevitable result of the current prevailing potty training culture in North America. This culture has parents scared to attempt potty training their children, for fear of damaging them psychologically or even physically, which are understandably outcomes no parent can bear to think they might inflict.

For families like these, where potty training is not yet complete (or not yet begun), and the child will be entering Kindergarten in the Fall, a LOT of stress and pressure can be put on the need to finish the process in the next couple of months. Unfortunately, stress and pressure are the fastest ways to derail the potty training process. Every year, I hear more and more stories of parents who spend an entire summer focused on the need for their child to be potty trained, and who try method after method with varying degrees of success, week after week, as the pressure mounts. I hear of children who are put through intensive training on the labour day weekend in a desperate final attempt to prepare them for school. I see families who have missed out on their opportunity to enjoy a very special summer focusing on the exciting aspects of this transition.

If this is you – if your child is not yet trained and will be entering Kindergarten in September, my advice to you is to begin now. While it is absolutely possible to potty train many children at a quick pace over 3-10 days, do not wait until August. Why? First, because there is a difference between being potty trained, and being toilet independent, and sometimes tying up those loose ends to help your child reach toilet independence takes a little bit of time. Second, because every day that passes increases the need, and therefore the stress and pressure, for your child to be potty trained. And as I’ve already mentioned, there is no faster way to derail the potty training process than injecting it with stress and pressure. Starting now will give you the time you need to train your child calmly and respectfully, while allowing your own stresses a little room to breathe.

If your child still has a year or more before Kindergarten, my advice to you is… to start now! If you have been following me, know my website or know me and my philosophies, you’ll know that I believe children of ALL ages and abilities can start their journey to toilet independence at any time. With babies 0-18mth, this can be done through Elimination Communication, and children 18mth+ through Non-Coercive Potty Training. No “Readiness” checklists need to be met, no developmental milestones crossed, no level of self-initiation or interest declared. Through a confident, parent-led approach, your child can be potty trained without coercion, and without causing psychological or physical damage. What determines when a child can begin their journey to toilet independence is whether or not the parent is ready, not the child. So take the lead, declare your readiness and march boldly ahead! When the summer before Kindergarten comes, you won’t regret you did.