Category: Potty Independence

Elimination Communication, Potty Independence, Potty Training

Is EC A Lot Of Work?

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This is a common question I get. Isn’t practicing Elimination Communication really hard? Doesn’t it take a lot of time? Isn’t it exhausting? Doesn’t your whole life then revolve around your baby’s toileting needs?

First off, EC isn’t hard, parenting is! EC is just another tool in the parenting repertoire. It’s goal is to enhance the communication between parents and babies 0-18mth, specifically around toileting needs, but this enhanced communication and attentiveness tends to pour over into other interactions, and ECing parents often feel more attuned to their babies because of it. Being more in sync with your baby actually makes parenting a lot easier, in both the short and long term! Are there frustrating times when you practice EC? Yes. Will it always make sense? Nope. But once you establish an EC practice in your home and it becomes normalized as part of your life, it’s not hard, it’s just routine. And in the long run, it’s a routine that makes your life much easier!

In terms of the amount of time it takes, or the “extra work” it is, that’s all a matter of perspective. Does it take a lot of time to take a baby to the potty several times a day? Perhaps. But so does changing that same baby’s poopy diaper, and I can guarantee a potty success is more fun for both of you! Does an EC family spend more time doing toileting-related things? In the short-term, absolutely. But that same family is much less likely to be changing the diapers of their 3 year old when the time comes. They are also less likely to experience power struggles over potty training that can be emotionally taxing on everyone. And they are much more likely to have a toilet independent child between the ages of 18mth and 2.5years, eliminating a tonne of diaper waste, and/or drastically reducing the laundry for cloth diapers. When people tell me that they couldn’t even think about EC because it seems like so much work, my response is to say that I couldn’t think of having to change diapers on an older toddler or preschooler and going through a later-age potty training process because that THAT seems like a lot of work and completely exhausting. Give me a toddler out of diapers and an organic path to toilet independence without power struggles any day!

All parents do a lot of work. All parents do a lot of work surrounding toileting. It’s how we distribute that work that is different. All it is, is a shift in perspective.

Those who believe that EC takes over your life, and all you ever do is think about pottying are mistaken. EC can be practiced full-time, part-time or even casually, and the process is beneficial no matter which path you choose. In fact, it is often the case that families practicing part-time have toddlers out of diapers sooner than those practicing full-time, because they tend to give their kids more room to breathe in the process, which removes any [unintended] pressures. EC also doesn’t mean you have naked babies all the time who pee on the floor. Diaper free time every day has been shown to be beneficial to all babies, but ECing families almost always use a backup of some kind, and usually that’s a diaper. EC isn’t reserved for crazy people or toileting extremists – almost anyone can practice it within their life context without it becoming overwhelming, weird, or unsanitary!

Potty Independence, Potty Training, Uncategorized

Is Early Potty Training Harder Than Waiting Until A Child Is Older?

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No. In fact, there is much evidence to indicate that it is easiest to potty train a child between the ages of 18 and 29 months. Around 2.5 years, there is a developmental shift that brings about new testing behaviours and it is much easier to fall into difficult power struggles that can derail the process. By potty training your child as a toddler, rather than a preschooler, you avoid a lot of this complication and establish toileting as a regular part of their day and a simple matter of course.

Parents build up potty training as something to be feared. They are afraid that it will take a lot of time and be a lot of work. They are afraid of accidents, especially while out and about. They are afraid they will fail and stunt their child’s toileting journey.

Potty training DOES take time and IS a lot of work, but that doesn’t change whether you start it at 18 months or at 3 years. The process requires dedication and focus from parents, no matter the age you’re starting from. All it does is change the amount of time you will be changing your toddler or preschooler’s diapers. And THAT is a lot of work!

Accidents WILL happen. It doesn’t matter if you have a non-verbal toddler or a fully conversational preschooler. Learning to identify bodily signals when you have been used to using a diaper as an instant toilet takes practice, and it’s a learning curve no matter how old you are or how honed your communication skills are. Some parents think they can wait until 4 years old and it will be easy because their child will just know what to do. In reality, older children are even further removed from an understanding of their bodily functions – their learning curve is steep and their habits are more entrenched.

Will your child have accidents? Yes. Is it something to be feared? No, it is not. Young children aren’t old enough to be embarrassed by them, and anyone who has any experience with children won’t even give you a second glance. The key is to be prepared. Rather than traveling with diapers, you will be traveling with changes of clothes at the ready. It’s a small shift in preparedness, that’s all.

Can you derail your child’s toileting journey if you start when they’re young? Well, yes. Do you have to? No, absolutely not. Parents are their child’s most important teachers and leaders in the potty training process, but they are also very capable of projecting their own stresses and fears on their children. If you are stressed about potty training, so will your child be. If you don’t believe that your toddler is “ready” to potty train, they won’t believe they are ready either. If, however, you have confidence in your child and your ability to guide them, you can move them toward toilet independence at a very early age. It just takes dedication, focus, and a belief in your and your child’s abilities. Toilet independence is just around the corner. Your child is ready now. Are you?

Elimination Communication, Potty Independence, Potty Training

Is There a “Right” Time to Potty Train?

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Just as there is never a perfect time to get married, or the perfect time to have a baby, you may never feel like there is a perfect time to potty train.

Our cultural messaging leads us to be apprehensive of the potty training process to begin with (I’ve written about that, here). We fear doing it the “wrong” way, and sabotaging the process. We fear pressuring our kids or causing them any kind of trauma or damage. We worry our kids aren’t “ready.” We dread others’ opinions and advice (Don’t leave it too late!; don’t push it too early!) Add in our complicated lives, our over-extended schedules, and our constant connectedness through technology, and it’s no wonder parents are putting off potty training until later and later with each passing year.

So, when is the “right” time to start your child’s journey to potty independence? The interesting thing is that the answer depends entirely on you, and not your child.

Your child is ready to begin their journey now, no matter their age or abilities. For young babies, this will likely be through Elimination Communication to start, but toddlers as young as 18 months (and in some cases, younger) are fully capable of potty training. It doesn’t matter if they “show interest.” It doesn’t matter if they can “sing the ABC song.” It doesn’t matter if they can verbalize at all.

In just 2 generations, Western culture has forgotten its entire history of successfully potty training children by 18mth of age, but this is actually still the norm throughout most of the world. Read about the Myth of Readiness, if you are interested in this topic.

So, if our children are ready, what’s stopping us from doing this right now? Well, we are – the parents. It’s our stress, our worry, our investment in keeping every scheduled activity under the sun, our fear of failure and our lack of confidence and clear purpose in the process. Successful potty training requires dedication and focus, and an attitude shift that prioritizes your child’s toilet learning over other things in your life… for a very short time. In reality, it’s a tiny blip in your relationship with your child, that will give the gift of toilet independence for life.

If you are waiting for the perfect time to potty train, it may never come. You, the parent, have to make it the right time to potty train. You have to decide that teaching your child to take care of their personal hygiene needs, ditching the mess and waste (not to mention, expense!) of diapers, and completing this important right of passage is important enough to you and your child that you will make it a priority. You, the parent, have to let go of any stresses that are holding you back. You, the parent, have to proceed with clarity and confidence, becoming a teacher and guide for your child.

So, when should you start? The earlier the better, as long as you can wrap your head around the importance of the task and the commitment it requires. A casual attitude from the parent will result in a casual attitude from the child. You can have the same success in 12 days as you would have in 12 months – all without causing any damage to your child or using any coercive methods. It’s all in the attitude with which you approach it!

Give yourself permission to trust in your child’s ability as a learner, and in you as a teacher. Give yourself permission to prioritize this process for a short time, even if it clashes with your scheduled activities. Give yourself permission to take the process seriously, and to set clear boundaries for your child so they can take it seriously, too. Toddlers feel more secure and freer to explore within known limits and established expectations – give them the gift of that security. And once you’ve wrapped your head around all of that… go for it. Begin now!

Now, is the right time to start!

Elimination Communication, Potty Independence, Potty Training

Pressure, Pushing, & Potties, Oh My!

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I want to write today about something that comes up over and over on every parenting forum and group I see. As soon as someone posts about potty training, there is a flood of comments of: “don’t push it,” “no pressure,” and “take it slow.”

Somewhere along the way (in response to the “wait for readiness” campaign, which I talk about on my Readiness Myth page), our cultural perception became that anything but child-initiated potty training (from a child who is also likely 3yrs+) is inherently laced with rushing, pressure, and coercion; that potty training as an early and/or parent-led process will put undue stress on a child, sabotaging success and perhaps even causing long-term damage, either psychologically or physically.

I’ve written before about the Fear of Potty Training, which feeds into this, but today I wanted to address the difference between moving at a quick pace, within clear, defined boundaries, and moving at a gradual pace, within nebulous or inconsistent boundaries.

For some reason, setting boundaries has become difficult for many parents in our society. But toddlers and preschools thrive in a predictable world of routines, rituals, and rules. When they know and understand the limits, they feel the freedom to explore everything within those limits freely and comfortably, whereas children who are constantly seeking their boundaries, or whose boundaries are inconsistent, generally feel more anxiety and less freedom to explore.

As parents, we are our young children’s literal lifelines, and they instinctively know this. They have an evolutionary imperative to depend on us, 100%, to be their capable guides and leaders in the process of growing up. They want and need to feel like we’re in control, that we always have their backs, and that we can handle all of their moods and behaviours without judgement, no matter what. Yes, they ultimately want to be independent, and they will constantly try out how that feels. But for now, they need to know that they can depend on us to get them there.

What does this mean, for potty training?

Potty training your child clearly and quickly at a young age (18mth+, and occasionally even younger), is actually GENTLER, than potty training your child casually and gradually, and waiting for them to tick off all of the “readiness” boxes (usually at around 3yrs).

Why?

Because giving them clear boundaries to operate within aligns with their developmental life stage, and makes things EASIER for them. Because it puts you, the parents, in the leadership role, which is what your child wants and needs from you. Because giving children the freedom to explore within the boundaries you have set helps them to learn the skill faster and with more confidence, and with much less confusion.

In all but Western countries, the NORM is for children to be potty trained between 12 and 18mths. Their cultures [rightfully] believe them to be capable at these ages, and potty training is seen as a simple matter of course, taken on with confidence by parents who have never been taught to doubt in their child’s abilities. The children are given a clear path to follow, and thrive under their parents’ confident guidance.

Potty training at a young age is not synonymous with pressure and coercion. It does not mean you are pushing your child to do something they are not ready to do. It does not cause your child any damage. Likewise, potty training quickly (whatever the age) does not mean you aren’t being gentle and supportive. It does not mean that you are rushing or forcing your child. It does not mean that the process will fail. You and your child can have the same success in 12 days that you can have in 12 months – it’s all a matter of attitude, commitment, and clarity.

No matter the age of your child, they are capable of beginning their toilet learning now, and are only waiting for your confident guidance. Proceed with intention and clarity, and Toilet Independence will be just around the corner. 😊

Elimination Communication, Potty Independence, Potty Training, Products

Navigating Gear, Part 1 – What potty should I buy?

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Modern society likes its gadgets and conveniences, and EC and potty training is no different. There is almost an infinite array of potties, training pants, books, clothing, etc. all marketed as being what you NEED to get your kid to toilet independence. But do you? Well, no. You don’t actually need a thing except a kid, the clothes you want them to wear, and the place you want them to eliminate. However, as with everything, sometimes the right tool DOES make a job easier. Thus, I will occasionally be posting about navigating gear, to help you understand what’s out there, what it’s used for, and most importantly, to help you decide what might be right for your family. If you want to see a list of tools and resources that I have experienced having success, have a look at our Resources page. Topic #1 is one of the most important to both EC and potty training – the potties themselves!

First and foremost, do you NEED a potty? Well, no. But I do recommend them, and this is why: Potties are the easiest way for your child to do their potty routine on their own. For me, any inconvenience a potty might bring into your life is made up for 1000x by your child’s ability to be completely independent on a potty from a very young age. If you have to help lift your child onto a toilet, or help them feel secure by helping to hold them on top of the toilet. Or if you have to go with your child and let them into a child-proof locked bathroom every time they have to pee, then they don’t get to achieve the same level of independence they could have with a potty they can freely access. And ultimately, potty training is about empowering our kids to take control of their own hygiene needs. To be independent.

Potties come in many shapes and sizes, with many different features and intended uses. I will break this down into simple potties, potties with inserts, travel potties, and top hat potties. There are other specialty potties out there which I will touch on briefly, but we’ll stick mostly to the primary types here so you can get to know them. We will cover toilet seat adapters in another post.

Simple Potties

Simple potties are just that – they are very simple. They are all in one piece, making them easy to clean well because they have no seams or extra pieces. However, you must take the whole unit to the toilet to dump it every time your child eliminates, which some find cumbersome. For stable toddlers who are fairly easy going, these are a fine (and economical) choice. You can generally get one for under $10. However, if you are practicing EC with baby, you have a child who is particular about what they sit on, or you prefer to cart a smaller vessel of pee and poo to the toilet, a potty with insert may serve you better.

Simple Potties with Inserts

The low-profile, basic layout of a simple potty, but with a removable insert that you dump in the toilet. For my family, the inserts make them easier to use, because dumping a whole potty can be awkward (especially in a small bathroom). As an added bonus, if you’re practicing EC with a newborn or young baby, the insert can come out and [with most models] sit between your legs while you potty your infant on your lap. If you want to be able to sit up a young baby and give them a little more support (or you have a toddler who wants to feel secure), a potty chair may be a better fit for you.

Potty Chairs with Inserts

Potty Chairs always come with inserts, so you have built-in convenient dumping. As with the simple potties with inserts, you can use the insert to practice EC with a baby on your lap. Where potty chairs have the advantage is with the added security of a full back support. This is very useful if you are sitting a young baby without full control on the potty independently, or if you have a toddler who prefers the look or feel of a full-back potty for their own security.

 

 Travel Potties

 

Travel potties are compact, so they are usually shorter (lower) than regular potties and while great for travel, aren’t usually preferred by kids for everyday. Travel potties usually fold up. Some have covers so you can take the contents with you to dump later; some have disposable liner options, so you can bag the contents and throw them in the trash. Some clever designs can double as a toilet seat adapter, which can be really handy if you want to flip flop between public washrooms and no washrooms at all, or even if you want to use them as adapters at home. Because of their small size, they typically accommodate tiny bums easily, so can be great for EC and early potty trainers. Older toddlers may find them awkward to use because of their size, especially if they haven’t grown up accustomed to them.

 

Top Hat Potties

These potties are great for EC from birth to 6mth. Small and simple, they fit perfectly between your legs for convenient pottying in a classic EC position with you as a support. You can get or make fleece cuffs that keep the tiniest of bottoms from feeling chilly, too.

 

Specialty Potties and Potties with Bells and Whistles

Fisher Price Cheer for Me Potty Chair

While I ultimately support any potty that gets your child out of diapers and onto potties and toilets, I will be honest and say that I am not the biggest fan of the flashy, musical, ready-to-drive, “fun” potties with lights, music, screens and who knows what else. We are teaching our children to pee and poop in an appropriate receptacle that will ultimately evolve into only a toilet because it’s a matter of course. We have to pee and poop… we have to put that pee and poop somewhere… our society has deemed toilets as that place. Flashy potties with buttons, steering wheels, etc., that are partly used as toys, seem to defeat the matter of fact attitude we are adopting about this process while learning to deal hygienically with our bodily functions. But some families may find that they work for them, and that’s just fine.

There are also some specialty potties out there with disposable liners so you theoretically never have to wash them but can either flush or dispose of single use potty bags. While I understand that we are all searching for a little more convenience, this just seems excessive, both in terms of cost, and environmental impact.

I hope you find what you are looking for, and your family ends up with the potty of your dreams! For particular products that I have witnessed working for families, please visit our Resources page. And always feel free to Contact Us, if you need any further guidance!