Tag: Canada

Potty Training

Pandemic Potty Training

ruthanndrummond

It has been too long since you’ve heard from me. Sorry! As I’m sure every one of you knows, this year has been strange. Things have been different. Things will never be the same.

Apart from the obvious pandemic, our family welcomed a new baby into our family, so we are starting a new journey to toilet independence all over again. Our Little Dude had his first EC catch when he was 2 days old, and has been on the potty every day since. I have no idea when he will finish – every child has their own unique journey – but I am confident that his experience with EC will serve him well when it’s time to potty train, just as it did for his brothers.

While the pandemic has been so hard in so many ways (our baby is still waiting to meet his grandparents 😦 ), it has also presented some unique opportunities to some families. I have had many clients who have decided to take on potty training because they are home with their children, when they may have delayed jumping in, either because they just didn’t have enough time with their kids, or in the vague hope that daycare would spearhead it for them. I have seen parents newly able to tune into their children’s signals, improve their communication and reduce their power struggles. While their have certainly been many challenges (like juggling full-time work from home while entertaining and homeschooling stir-crazy little ones during all the shut-downs), some parents have managed to embrace the rare opportunity this time has given them to connect in new ways to their children and come up with creative approaches to make sure everything (or almost everything) still gets done.

July is often a month of panic for some families with potty training on their minds. Often, parents are concerned that their children, entering Kindergarten or a new preschool with potty training requirements just won’t be ready in time. This year, with so much uncertainty about how the new school year will unfold, these feelings may be even more complicated or more intense.

Breathe.

We have come so far. As a family. As a community. As a country. We will get through this together. We’ve got each other’s backs.

Take this time – this strange, scary, confusing, but also unique time – to notice and get to know your children in a new way. Be creative. Be compassionate. This time is just as overwhelming and confusing for them. Work together as a family and be there for one another.

If your child has yet to begin their journey to toilet independence, this might be a great time to start. Whether you have a child closing in on Kindergarten who needs to potty train quickly, a toddler who you’d like to see take charge of their own hygiene needs, or a baby who you’d like to help keep attuned to their body through Elimination Communication, having a little extra time together might give you a rare opportunity to help them along their journey with deepened communication and understanding – something that will only help to bring you both success and a shared feeling of pride in your achievements.

Be well. You’ve got this.

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Potty Independence, Potty Training

The Dreaded Potty Regression!

ruthanndrummond

Today, I want to talk a little about regressions. If you’ve read some of my other posts, you know that we potty trained our youngest at 18mths, and it went really well. At 20mth, he was basically 100% reliable, even at daycare, save for the very occasional times of extreme excitement where he just couldn’t be aware enough of his body. But 1 accident in a 2 week period at 20 months was pretty good – we certainly weren’t complaining!

Then, all of the sudden, at close to 22mth, he started having a lot more accidents. They weren’t when he was running frantically with his brother, but just any time, as though he couldn’t be bothered anymore. Instead of running up to us saying “pee poop!” when he had to go, he would walk over and state “pee… wet.” and he’d be soaked.

As parents, when things are going well, we can start to take them for granted. We expected him not to have any issues because he hadn’t been having any issues… but that’s not a realistic expectation in the toilet learning process. While it’s absolutely natural to feel frustrated or annoyed that your [previously accident-free] toddler or preschooler is now standing in the middle of the floor and peeing without even moving towards a potty, this is one of those times in parenting when you need to gather yourself, take a deep breath, and remind yourself of all the amazing developments these little people are going through. They truly have a LOT on their plates, and sometimes, some processes will take a step back to give others space to flourish. But don’t worry – your child will get back to consistent potty habits soon – once a little equilibrium is reached.

So, what can cause a regression in the toilet learning process? In truth, almost anything.

  • Any change in environment – a move; a new daycare, preschool or school; a new caregiver at home; a parent going back to work or changing jobs; a pregnant parent; a new sibling; a vacation away from home; etc. – can cause a regression.
  • Any change in emotional environment – parental discord, stress, or anxiety; divorce; parent-child discord, receiving less attention or feeling less attachment, feeling parental pressure; tension with a sibling; poor relationship with a caregiver or teacher in the home or at a daycare, preschool or school; etc. – can cause a regression.
  • Physical changes – growth spurts; teething; sleep regressions; illnesses; etc. – can cause a regression.
  • Developmental changes – mental leaps and new understandings of the world; learning to talk; learning a new base skill; etc. – can cause a regression, too.

If you look at this list, how many toddlers and preschoolers do you know who live in a perfect balanced stasis where nothing is changing in their environment, their bodies or their minds? None. Even in a household of perfect calm (which I am going to guess is pretty rare), a child of this age isn’t healthy unless they are growing and learning all the time. Sometimes, all of that growing, processing, learning and understanding takes precedence over your child’s ability to tune into their body and keep their toileting on track. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s normal, healthy, expected, and a sign that your toddler or preschooler is doing everything they’re supposed to be.

For us? Well, our little guy is just at the beginning of a language explosion, all 4 of his canines are swollen and expected to cut soon, and he has a really bad cold. The culprit? Who knows! Any of those could cause a regression on their own, let alone in combination! But it doesn’t really matter. A regression is not a sign of anything going wrong, but rather that your child is totally on target!

Regressions are not forever. Yes, they can be frustrating, annoying, infuriating, or evoke any number of complex emotions from parents, but they will pass fairly quickly. Soon, they will become a tiny blip in your child’s toilet learning journey that you probably won’t even remember in a year or two, when you’re recounting potty training stories to friends.

To survive a regression, just stay consistent, kind and compassionate. Gently but firmly remind your child that pee goes in the potty/toilet, not in pants or on the floor. If you, like me, had moved into a place of taking your child’s toileting practices for granted, take a step back and re-attune to their signals so you can help them be successful. Do everything you can to avoid getting angry with your child, or shaming them for an accident. This is not their fault. They want to succeed at this, and they want to please you. They didn’t do it on purpose and they don’t want to be wet. Calmly provide them with the extra support they need during this overwhelming time, and they will find their way back to where they were – usually in 2 short (or maybe long…) weeks or less.

So… take a deep breath, take care of yourself (and do what you need to re-centre), and then take a moment to celebrate this time of immense fluctuation in your child’s life. Because a toileting regression doesn’t mean potty training has derailed. Rather, it means that you and your child are right on track!

Elimination Communication, Potty Independence, Potty Training

Spring Has Sprung!

ruthanndrummond

It’s finally here! I hope, wherever you are, you have had a lovely winter. In Toronto, it has been long, cold, and full of inhospitable weather! I love a nice snowfall, winter play, and being outdoors, but this year’s extreme cold, preponderance of freezing rain/ice pellets/rains followed by flash freezing/ etc. have made enjoying the winter with my two kids under 4 a challenge. However, with the arrival of the first day of spring we have finally seen some temperatures above zero and the melting of the massive amount of ice that had accumulated under the snow this season. Spring has arrived – I’m sure we’ll be seeing those first blossoms soon!

Not that we didn’t get some benefits out of winter… Since my youngest started his potty training in November, he has made his journey to potty training completion through the cold wintry days. We have thus mastered things like stand-up pees in snowsuits, and giving enough warning of an impending pee to get somewhere appropriate earlier than we did with his older brother. Winter was a time of transformation, and I am glad we had it, but I am certainly ready to move on!

While I wouldn’t normally advise a family contemplating potty training to wait until spring, I am also mindful of how intimidating the extra complications of snowsuits and multiple layers can bring. I recently wrote about simplifying how we dress our little ones to set them up for success, and winter doesn’t simplify anything! I have observed that most people tend to begin their family’s potty training journey in the spring or summer, when clothes are simple and some people have the opportunity to spend much more time outside. If you’ve been waiting, now’s your chance!

Especially if you have a child who will be starting at a new school in September, and you’re hoping they’ll be out of diapers by then, I would strongly encourage you not to wait until summer. Why? Because this will add pressure to you, the parent (as you sense a looming “deadline” for completion), and you will not be able to feel that kind of pressure and stress without it transferring to your child. If there’s one thing kids are really, really good at, it is sensing and mirroring emotions and stress in us. And if there’s one thing that is sure to derail your potty training process, it’s stress and pressure.

If you’re familiar with my posts or my practice, you’ll know that I believe the potty learning journey can begin at any age in a healthy and supportive way, through either Elimination Communication (for 0-18mth) or Non-Coercive Potty Training (18mth+). Kids are ready to learn at any age, so when potty training happens (for children 18mth+) actually depends on when parents are ready to start.

Why not start now?!

Potty Independence, Potty Training, Uncategorized

Is Early Potty Training Harder Than Waiting Until A Child Is Older?

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No. In fact, there is much evidence to indicate that it is easiest to potty train a child between the ages of 18 and 29 months. Around 2.5 years, there is a developmental shift that brings about new testing behaviours and it is much easier to fall into difficult power struggles that can derail the process. By potty training your child as a toddler, rather than a preschooler, you avoid a lot of this complication and establish toileting as a regular part of their day and a simple matter of course.

Parents build up potty training as something to be feared. They are afraid that it will take a lot of time and be a lot of work. They are afraid of accidents, especially while out and about. They are afraid they will fail and stunt their child’s toileting journey.

Potty training DOES take time and IS a lot of work, but that doesn’t change whether you start it at 18 months or at 3 years. The process requires dedication and focus from parents, no matter the age you’re starting from. All it does is change the amount of time you will be changing your toddler or preschooler’s diapers. And THAT is a lot of work!

Accidents WILL happen. It doesn’t matter if you have a non-verbal toddler or a fully conversational preschooler. Learning to identify bodily signals when you have been used to using a diaper as an instant toilet takes practice, and it’s a learning curve no matter how old you are or how honed your communication skills are. Some parents think they can wait until 4 years old and it will be easy because their child will just know what to do. In reality, older children are even further removed from an understanding of their bodily functions – their learning curve is steep and their habits are more entrenched.

Will your child have accidents? Yes. Is it something to be feared? No, it is not. Young children aren’t old enough to be embarrassed by them, and anyone who has any experience with children won’t even give you a second glance. The key is to be prepared. Rather than traveling with diapers, you will be traveling with changes of clothes at the ready. It’s a small shift in preparedness, that’s all.

Can you derail your child’s toileting journey if you start when they’re young? Well, yes. Do you have to? No, absolutely not. Parents are their child’s most important teachers and leaders in the potty training process, but they are also very capable of projecting their own stresses and fears on their children. If you are stressed about potty training, so will your child be. If you don’t believe that your toddler is “ready” to potty train, they won’t believe they are ready either. If, however, you have confidence in your child and your ability to guide them, you can move them toward toilet independence at a very early age. It just takes dedication, focus, and a belief in your and your child’s abilities. Toilet independence is just around the corner. Your child is ready now. Are you?

Elimination Communication, Potty Training

Our 18mth Old Is Potty Trained!

ruthanndrummond

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Our 18mth old is now potty trained! I wanted to share my story, to help other families feel confident in their early potty training, too.

First, some back story: I practiced Elimination Communication with both of my kids from the first couple weeks of life. Since they were newborn, they have been used to peeing and pooping while sitting on or being held over potties and toilets – at least some of the time.

With our first, we practiced focused EC part-time, tuning into our child’s toileting needs while still having him in a diaper backup, and making a conscious choice to rely on a diaper in certain situations (i.e. when in music class, on car trips, in snowsuits, etc.). He took to EC very well from the start and would sit on the potty happily for long periods of time, which increased his catches. By 11mths, he naturally stopped pooping anywhere other than the potty, and would never poop when out and about. Because of this, by 14mths I decided we would ditch daytime diapers and work on getting him more consistent with pees. This ended up being a long road, possibly because we used cloth training pants which may have slowed down his learning, and more probably because our lives got busier around that time, and we didn’t have as much focus on the process. At 19.5mths, he was still not consistent with his pees, so I planned to “finish up” his EC with a potty training experience and picked a date for 3 weeks later. But 2 weeks after that, something just “clicked” for him, and everything started falling into place. He was potty trained at 21mths.

The experience with our second has been very different (as it always is!). We started off with great success as an infant, and were very excited about how his process was going, especially since our focus and time was now split between two little people. And then, at 8.5mths, he learned to crawl. He is a very, VERY active and inquisitive boy, who was excited by his new-found mobility and was NOT willing to sit still on the potty to wait for a pee or poop, as our first had been. There were places to go, things to explore, stuff to climb! Our catches plummeted, and rather than being a typical potty pause of 3-14 days, he just wasn’t coming out of this phase. 11mths came and passed and there was still no sign of less poops in diapers. 14 mths came and passed and still there was little progress. At 16mths, I felt diaper exhausted (this was 7 mths longer than my first used diapers already!), and also discouraged by his whole toilet learning journey. We felt drained and unable to put the energy into his EC practice when we weren’t seeing results, and EC became a pretty casual thing that we were doing daily, but with way less focus. He was still learning important steps, like mounting a potty on his own, but using one was a different matter. I decided that we needed to regroup and refocus, and that this time we would go for it and pick a date for a potty training experience weekend to help things to “click.” That weekend was last weekend, and at 18mths old, our second child is potty trained!

As an EC and potty training consultant & coach, I am really excited by this, because now I’ve personally experienced success happen both organically when an EC practice is really solid, and also with a preemptive potty training “finish up,” when EC was a little more nebulous. And while I have coached families through potty training their children, it was an illuminating experience to do it with my own. I am proud of our accomplishments, and excited about my new insights and confidence in how these processes can work (both separately and together) to help our children reach potty independence sooner!