Tag: potty readiness

Potty Training

Pandemic Potty Training

ruthanndrummond

It has been too long since you’ve heard from me. Sorry! As I’m sure every one of you knows, this year has been strange. Things have been different. Things will never be the same.

Apart from the obvious pandemic, our family welcomed a new baby into our family, so we are starting a new journey to toilet independence all over again. Our Little Dude had his first EC catch when he was 2 days old, and has been on the potty every day since. I have no idea when he will finish – every child has their own unique journey – but I am confident that his experience with EC will serve him well when it’s time to potty train, just as it did for his brothers.

While the pandemic has been so hard in so many ways (our baby is still waiting to meet his grandparents 😦 ), it has also presented some unique opportunities to some families. I have had many clients who have decided to take on potty training because they are home with their children, when they may have delayed jumping in, either because they just didn’t have enough time with their kids, or in the vague hope that daycare would spearhead it for them. I have seen parents newly able to tune into their children’s signals, improve their communication and reduce their power struggles. While their have certainly been many challenges (like juggling full-time work from home while entertaining and homeschooling stir-crazy little ones during all the shut-downs), some parents have managed to embrace the rare opportunity this time has given them to connect in new ways to their children and come up with creative approaches to make sure everything (or almost everything) still gets done.

July is often a month of panic for some families with potty training on their minds. Often, parents are concerned that their children, entering Kindergarten or a new preschool with potty training requirements just won’t be ready in time. This year, with so much uncertainty about how the new school year will unfold, these feelings may be even more complicated or more intense.

Breathe.

We have come so far. As a family. As a community. As a country. We will get through this together. We’ve got each other’s backs.

Take this time – this strange, scary, confusing, but also unique time – to notice and get to know your children in a new way. Be creative. Be compassionate. This time is just as overwhelming and confusing for them. Work together as a family and be there for one another.

If your child has yet to begin their journey to toilet independence, this might be a great time to start. Whether you have a child closing in on Kindergarten who needs to potty train quickly, a toddler who you’d like to see take charge of their own hygiene needs, or a baby who you’d like to help keep attuned to their body through Elimination Communication, having a little extra time together might give you a rare opportunity to help them along their journey with deepened communication and understanding – something that will only help to bring you both success and a shared feeling of pride in your achievements.

Be well. You’ve got this.

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Potty Independence, Potty Training

Summer is Here – Time to Play, Party, Picnic, and… Potty Train!

ruthanndrummond

The first day of summer and longest day of the year is now past. It really crept up on me this time, partly because I’m running after two very active little boys and can barely keep track of the days of the week, and partly because it never felt like we had a spring. In Toronto, we have had a cold, wet and dreary season full of chilly rain, mud and very few flowers, but suddenly we’re seeing some sunny warm (even hot!) days, accompanied by bursts of colour that beckon us outside.

For many, summer is the time to take a vacation, to have street parties, to get off work early and relax. Many kids are home, at camp, or enjoying fun activities as they recharge from their school year. The long, lazy days of summer are two months of the year where it’s okay to be out of our normal routines.

For some parents and kids, however, this summer is not quite like others. This summer is the summer before the start of Junior Kindergarten – a major transition for many 3 and 4 year old children and their families, including my own. The start of Kindergarten brings with it a plethora of emotions for children and parents alike – from excitement and anticipation to trepidation and anxiety. A journey into unknown territory of new people, new environments and new routines.

Parents want the best for their children, and so many of us put a lot of effort into preparing our children for Kindergarten. From reading stories about the first day of school in an effort to ease anxieties, to trips taken to the school playground to familiarize our children with their future daytime environment, to special back-to-school outfits, lunchboxes or backpacks that mark this special rite of passage, a lot of thought goes into making our children’s transitions to school as pleasant as possible.

Some parents and children, however, face added stress and anxieties about starting school because of potty training. With the age of potty training completion rising year after year, a culture that expects children to tick off a “readiness” checklist before starting to train, and the expectation that children will self-initiate the process, many 3 and 4 year old children have either not finished or not yet begun their potty training process. This isn’t the fault of the parents or the children. It is the inevitable result of the current prevailing potty training culture in North America. This culture has parents scared to attempt potty training their children, for fear of damaging them psychologically or even physically, which are understandably outcomes no parent can bear to think they might inflict.

For families like these, where potty training is not yet complete (or not yet begun), and the child will be entering Kindergarten in the Fall, a LOT of stress and pressure can be put on the need to finish the process in the next couple of months. Unfortunately, stress and pressure are the fastest ways to derail the potty training process. Every year, I hear more and more stories of parents who spend an entire summer focused on the need for their child to be potty trained, and who try method after method with varying degrees of success, week after week, as the pressure mounts. I hear of children who are put through intensive training on the labour day weekend in a desperate final attempt to prepare them for school. I see families who have missed out on their opportunity to enjoy a very special summer focusing on the exciting aspects of this transition.

If this is you – if your child is not yet trained and will be entering Kindergarten in September, my advice to you is to begin now. While it is absolutely possible to potty train many children at a quick pace over 3-10 days, do not wait until August. Why? First, because there is a difference between being potty trained, and being toilet independent, and sometimes tying up those loose ends to help your child reach toilet independence takes a little bit of time. Second, because every day that passes increases the need, and therefore the stress and pressure, for your child to be potty trained. And as I’ve already mentioned, there is no faster way to derail the potty training process than injecting it with stress and pressure. Starting now will give you the time you need to train your child calmly and respectfully, while allowing your own stresses a little room to breathe.

If your child still has a year or more before Kindergarten, my advice to you is… to start now! If you have been following me, know my website or know me and my philosophies, you’ll know that I believe children of ALL ages and abilities can start their journey to toilet independence at any time. With babies 0-18mth, this can be done through Elimination Communication, and children 18mth+ through Non-Coercive Potty Training. No “Readiness” checklists need to be met, no developmental milestones crossed, no level of self-initiation or interest declared. Through a confident, parent-led approach, your child can be potty trained without coercion, and without causing psychological or physical damage. What determines when a child can begin their journey to toilet independence is whether or not the parent is ready, not the child. So take the lead, declare your readiness and march boldly ahead! When the summer before Kindergarten comes, you won’t regret you did.

Elimination Communication, Potty Independence, Potty Training

Spring Has Sprung!

ruthanndrummond

It’s finally here! I hope, wherever you are, you have had a lovely winter. In Toronto, it has been long, cold, and full of inhospitable weather! I love a nice snowfall, winter play, and being outdoors, but this year’s extreme cold, preponderance of freezing rain/ice pellets/rains followed by flash freezing/ etc. have made enjoying the winter with my two kids under 4 a challenge. However, with the arrival of the first day of spring we have finally seen some temperatures above zero and the melting of the massive amount of ice that had accumulated under the snow this season. Spring has arrived – I’m sure we’ll be seeing those first blossoms soon!

Not that we didn’t get some benefits out of winter… Since my youngest started his potty training in November, he has made his journey to potty training completion through the cold wintry days. We have thus mastered things like stand-up pees in snowsuits, and giving enough warning of an impending pee to get somewhere appropriate earlier than we did with his older brother. Winter was a time of transformation, and I am glad we had it, but I am certainly ready to move on!

While I wouldn’t normally advise a family contemplating potty training to wait until spring, I am also mindful of how intimidating the extra complications of snowsuits and multiple layers can bring. I recently wrote about simplifying how we dress our little ones to set them up for success, and winter doesn’t simplify anything! I have observed that most people tend to begin their family’s potty training journey in the spring or summer, when clothes are simple and some people have the opportunity to spend much more time outside. If you’ve been waiting, now’s your chance!

Especially if you have a child who will be starting at a new school in September, and you’re hoping they’ll be out of diapers by then, I would strongly encourage you not to wait until summer. Why? Because this will add pressure to you, the parent (as you sense a looming “deadline” for completion), and you will not be able to feel that kind of pressure and stress without it transferring to your child. If there’s one thing kids are really, really good at, it is sensing and mirroring emotions and stress in us. And if there’s one thing that is sure to derail your potty training process, it’s stress and pressure.

If you’re familiar with my posts or my practice, you’ll know that I believe the potty learning journey can begin at any age in a healthy and supportive way, through either Elimination Communication (for 0-18mth) or Non-Coercive Potty Training (18mth+). Kids are ready to learn at any age, so when potty training happens (for children 18mth+) actually depends on when parents are ready to start.

Why not start now?!

Elimination Communication, Potty Independence, Potty Training

Dress for Success! – Avoiding the drawbacks of modern clothing in independent toilet learning

ruthanndrummond

For the last 5 decades, the average age of potty training completion has been rising. Yes, this has to do with a deeply-instilled fear due to the success of the “wait for readiness” campaign. Yes, it has to do with social changes that have both parents working and with less available time to dedicate to things like potty training. Yes, it has to do with a more complicated lifestyle where we’re over-scheduled and under-rested. But there are some other more hidden aspects of our modern lives that can also hinder toilet learning, and that’s what I want to talk about today.

Ivintage boys on chamber potsf you’ve seen vintage images of babies from a few generations ago, you may have noticed that both girls and boys were most often dressed in flowy gowns, which made for easy access to their cloth diapers or bare bottoms. What you may not have known is that those children, on average, completed their potty training by 18mths. In those days, as soon as you started to walk, you started to learn to use the potty. And the babies and parents were successful in this not only because they were confident in their abilities (since this was the social norm and expectation), but also because they were dressed in a way that made getting to the potty as easy as possible, removing an extra obstacle that can hinder the process.

As with anything we do, potty training, no matter what age we start it with our children, requires us (or, more accurately, our child) to dress for success! Now, I don’t mean little bow ties and cute dresses (although that would be adorable!), but rather the idea that if you want your child to succeed in their potty learning journey, you need to set both them and yourself up for the least possible hassle and fuss. This means easy on and off for quick trips to the potty or toilet, and for toddlers and older children it means clothing they can manipulate independently without trouble.

onesieLet’s talk onesies for the younger set. Onesies are possibly the most commonly thought of baby clothing item. They’re small, easy to store and care for, not too expensive, and they don’t hike up in a car seat, stroller or carrier. They hide the diaper and look tidy under a cute pair of pants. All wins! So, what’s the issue? The snaps are the issue. Those snaps add one level of complexity – one more thing to fuss with – on the journey to the potty, and after not that long it can feel quite cumbersome to undo and redo them several times a day. It can end up being a deterrent strong enough that you just don’t want to bother doing it. Not exactly a recipe for success.

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If you are practicing Elimination Communication with your baby for the first time and are already feeling a little overwhelmed by the process (or even if you’re not!), ditch the onesies! T-shirts, diaper and legwarmers are a warm and practical way to dress. This way, all you have to do is remove the diaper. There are no extra steps! If you’re going out, leave off the legwarmers and go with pants instead, but quickly yanking off the pants and having access to the diaper is still going to be easier than fussing with the snaps of a onesie once the pants are off.

For to1f3203c103b95dcc42e850828c152cea--leather-suspenders-leather-beltsddlers who are just beginning to learn about manipulating clothing, and for preschoolers who can manipulate some clothing, dressing for success means dressing for the easiest, least-frustrating pants on/off scenario possible (at least until they have toilBaby-sitting-on-a-potty-chair-with-his-pants-downeting mastered and need a new skill to conquer). This means no overalls, no onesies (they come in sizes up to 24mth now!), no tight or stiff jeans, and no snaps, buttons, or zippers that need fidgeting. It even means no drawstrings (that require tying). You’re looking for comfortable, pull-on track pants, joggers, or looser leggings that will slide down easily without having to undo anything, slide down low enough to not impede sitting position, and slide back easily with nothing to have to do up.

d33cf75b10feb3cb577ef145def6606bIf you are trying or intending to night train your child, all of this applies to nighttime, too. One-piece sleepers are cute and warm, but difficult to get off quickly for a parent and almost impossible for a child who is just learning to use the potty. Two-piece pajamas are absolutely a more practical choice for toilet learning – at any age.

If you’ve ever struggled to get a toddler or preschooler in the toilet learning process to the potty in time, you know how important a couple of extra seconds can be. Dressing for ease in toileting will help you and your child to achieve potty success!

Potty Independence, Potty Training, Uncategorized

Is Early Potty Training Harder Than Waiting Until A Child Is Older?

ruthanndrummond

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No. In fact, there is much evidence to indicate that it is easiest to potty train a child between the ages of 18 and 29 months. Around 2.5 years, there is a developmental shift that brings about new testing behaviours and it is much easier to fall into difficult power struggles that can derail the process. By potty training your child as a toddler, rather than a preschooler, you avoid a lot of this complication and establish toileting as a regular part of their day and a simple matter of course.

Parents build up potty training as something to be feared. They are afraid that it will take a lot of time and be a lot of work. They are afraid of accidents, especially while out and about. They are afraid they will fail and stunt their child’s toileting journey.

Potty training DOES take time and IS a lot of work, but that doesn’t change whether you start it at 18 months or at 3 years. The process requires dedication and focus from parents, no matter the age you’re starting from. All it does is change the amount of time you will be changing your toddler or preschooler’s diapers. And THAT is a lot of work!

Accidents WILL happen. It doesn’t matter if you have a non-verbal toddler or a fully conversational preschooler. Learning to identify bodily signals when you have been used to using a diaper as an instant toilet takes practice, and it’s a learning curve no matter how old you are or how honed your communication skills are. Some parents think they can wait until 4 years old and it will be easy because their child will just know what to do. In reality, older children are even further removed from an understanding of their bodily functions – their learning curve is steep and their habits are more entrenched.

Will your child have accidents? Yes. Is it something to be feared? No, it is not. Young children aren’t old enough to be embarrassed by them, and anyone who has any experience with children won’t even give you a second glance. The key is to be prepared. Rather than traveling with diapers, you will be traveling with changes of clothes at the ready. It’s a small shift in preparedness, that’s all.

Can you derail your child’s toileting journey if you start when they’re young? Well, yes. Do you have to? No, absolutely not. Parents are their child’s most important teachers and leaders in the potty training process, but they are also very capable of projecting their own stresses and fears on their children. If you are stressed about potty training, so will your child be. If you don’t believe that your toddler is “ready” to potty train, they won’t believe they are ready either. If, however, you have confidence in your child and your ability to guide them, you can move them toward toilet independence at a very early age. It just takes dedication, focus, and a belief in your and your child’s abilities. Toilet independence is just around the corner. Your child is ready now. Are you?