Tag: potty readiness

Potty Independence, Potty Training

Potty Training in Toronto in Crisis

ruthanndrummond

Toronto Potty Training

I’m just not sure how else to describe it.

While it can be an exciting time of transition, September can bring with it a lot of  anxiety, especially for young families. Routines change, schools change, and with that comes a potential change in naps, which can cause young kids to become overtired and have a more difficult time regulating themselves in this already tumultuous phase. Many children are away from their parents for extended periods for the first time, or more than they ever have been, and emotions can be running high already. Parents are wrought with worry about how their children will adjust to all of these changes, and are carrying a lot of their own anxiety. The last thing anyone needs – child or parent – is to add worries about potty training into the mix!

Unfortunately, for many families, toileting issues as their children begin school can be an enormous worry and stress in their lives. This summer I ran into, spoke with and overheard more parents who were expressing their concern that their child wasn’t potty trained before the start of kindergarten than ever before. These are families who have been exclusively depending on diapers for four years or more! It’s exhausting to think about the number of diaper changes that must have entailed, or the money that must have been spent. But for whatever reason (often, they didn’t clearly see their child meet the so-called “readiness” requirements, but sometimes because they were in such a habit of diapering that they just couldn’t see their way out of it and didn’t have the energy or resources to feel prepared for potty training), they were approaching the beginning of their child’s school career, and were starting to worry that they wouldn’t be able to send them. What an enormous worry and incredible burden that must be, especially when not being able to send your child to kindergarten and seeking alternate childcare could end up being financially crippling to some families.

The big problem is that, as soon as an end date is in sight, there is enormous pressure on the parents to have their child potty trained by that date. And as soon as parents are feeling pressure – no matter how hard they try to keep that burden to themselves – the children are feeling pressure, too. Children are amazing that way – they can sense and will mirror the emotional energy in the household without fail. And the number one way to derail your potty training efforts is to operate under pressure!

The result? What I have heard over and over again the last few months has been “we tried potty training, but it didn’t work.” Then, pressure turns to panic, which doubles the pressure, and attempts number two, three, etc. can be worse and worse until child and parents all are overwhelmed with stress and their self confidence has been undermined.

It doesn’t have to be this way!

boy-child-childhood-346796

In an effort to create a safe space for help and support, I have just created the Go Diaper Free of Toronto Facebook Group – a private support group for those looking for help, advice, and camaraderie with other parents and caregivers experiencing the same struggles (and successes!). While aimed at Toronto residents, it will be open to those from other areas looking for community. Please, if your child has entered school and you are still worrying about toilet independence, find support now so you can get out of this cycle of stress. It’s not healthy or fair for you or your child to feel this way – and help, support and community are all out there for you. If your child will be entering school next year and they are not yet potty trained, start now. Don’t wait for the pressure to mount – all you are doing is making it harder on yourself and your child. If you are still waiting for your child to be “ready,” please visit my page on readiness. You and your child can both do this. Your child is capable, now, and the process doesn’t have to be laden with stress, pressure, or worry. Pick a date and make a commitment. Your whole family will be happier for it (and so proud, too!).

Elimination Communication, Potty Training

Teaching & Learning in the Potty Process

ruthanndrummond

September. It’s the start of Autumn; a time of transition. For many people it’s back to a regular routine. It’s back to school, too: back to teaching and back to learning. What better time could there be to begin your family’s journey to toilet independence?

If you have (or care for) a baby 0-18mth, elimination communication is an amazing way for you and your baby to teach and learn from each other. It focuses on finding ways to communicate about elimination needs, and on learning to listen to and tune into each other in new and profound ways. For toddlers and preschoolers (18mth+), potty training is the unlocking and mastering of a whole new set of skills – an empowering right of passage.

If you don’t have time to read this whole post, I would encourage you to take a look at the video of my younger son demonstrating how he gets to and sits on a potty. He takes delight in the process and shows that even very young toddlers (he’s 15mth) can learn to take themselves to a potty without force, coercion, or trauma:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpK2rxHo7l0

Some of the confusion surrounding potty training in today’s society is the pervasive idea that children must wait to begin their toilet learning until they have somehow met a set of “readiness” requirements. That, one magical day, a child will spontaneously show interest in using a potty or toilet for the first time, and from that point on the road to a potty-trained child should be straightforward and fairly easy. This is nonsensical, for two reasons:

It presumes that your child is not ready to learn.

To not be ready to learn new things, one must either be lacking physical or developmental ability, or one must be missing the prerequisite information. Neither is true.

A common myth that is parroted about the parenting and medical communities is that babies up until 18mth do not have awareness of when they eliminate, and do not possess sphincter control. As the mom of a baby who began pooping in a potty at 3 weeks old, never pooped outside the house (or a house we were visiting) after 4 months old, and had his last poopy diaper ever at 11 months old, I can confidently tell you that babies are born with sphincter control and awareness of when they eliminate. The issue arises when we rely exclusively on diapers for elimination needs. This teaches babies that the appropriate place to eliminate is in their diaper, that they will never be required to hold their pee or poop, and when disposables are used, it takes away the sensation of wetness that helps babies to stay attuned to their own bodies and when they pee.

As for prerequisite information – how could there be any? This is one of our very basic needs. From the day we are born, we need to pee and poop. You don’t have to know anything more than that to be ready to learn when and where to do it!

It presumes that toilet learning must be child-led and initiated, rather than parent-led and taught.

Potty training doesn’t have to be an anxious waiting game. Children don’t spontaneously show interest in a potty. They can watch and mimic their role models, looking for ways to be more grown up (which relies on parents teaching their children through modelling and active engagement in the potty process), or, as is all-to-common, they can feel peer pressure to use a potty or toilet like their friends do in childcare or preschool settings, and then seek to fit in with their friends.

Toilet learning can begin now, no matter how old your child is. They have the ability, they have the prerequisites. All they need is the teacher – and that’s you!

There’s a common myth that scares parents into waiting indefinitely: that early potty training will cause psychological damage to your child. If that were the case, it would be scary! What isn’t explained is the caveat. The issues arise when potty training is forced. Who being forced into something doesn’t experience some degree of psychological damage, never mind a baby or young child! Starting young (whether at 1 day or 18mth+) doesn’t mean the process is in any way forced. If you honour your child’s abilities, respect their desire to learn, and step into the role of their teacher, toilet learning can be a natural and organic process beginning at any age, without fear of causing damage.

If you didn’t view it above, here is a video of my younger son demonstrating just a little of the teaching in our house. At 15mth, he gets himself onto the potty on his own, and is delighted by the process!:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpK2rxHo7l0