Potty Training – Go Diaper Free with Ruthann Drummond, Certified Consultant & Coach

Pandemic Potty Training

July 16, 2020July 16, 2020 ruthanndrummond

It has been too long since you’ve heard from me. Sorry! As I’m sure every one of you knows, this year has been strange. Things have been different. Things will never be the same.

Apart from the obvious pandemic, our family welcomed a new baby into our family, so we are starting a new journey to toilet independence all over again. Our Little Dude had his first EC catch when he was 2 days old, and has been on the potty every day since. I have no idea when he will finish – every child has their own unique journey – but I am confident that his experience with EC will serve him well when it’s time to potty train, just as it did for his brothers.

While the pandemic has been so hard in so many ways (our baby is still waiting to meet his grandparents 😦 ), it has also presented some unique opportunities to some families. I have had many clients who have decided to take on potty training because they are home with their children, when they may have delayed jumping in, either because they just didn’t have enough time with their kids, or in the vague hope that daycare would spearhead it for them. I have seen parents newly able to tune into their children’s signals, improve their communication and reduce their power struggles. While their have certainly been many challenges (like juggling full-time work from home while entertaining and homeschooling stir-crazy little ones during all the shut-downs), some parents have managed to embrace the rare opportunity this time has given them to connect in new ways to their children and come up with creative approaches to make sure everything (or almost everything) still gets done.

July is often a month of panic for some families with potty training on their minds. Often, parents are concerned that their children, entering Kindergarten or a new preschool with potty training requirements just won’t be ready in time. This year, with so much uncertainty about how the new school year will unfold, these feelings may be even more complicated or more intense.

Breathe.

We have come so far. As a family. As a community. As a country. We will get through this together. We’ve got each other’s backs.

Take this time – this strange, scary, confusing, but also unique time – to notice and get to know your children in a new way. Be creative. Be compassionate. This time is just as overwhelming and confusing for them. Work together as a family and be there for one another.

If your child has yet to begin their journey to toilet independence, this might be a great time to start. Whether you have a child closing in on Kindergarten who needs to potty train quickly, a toddler who you’d like to see take charge of their own hygiene needs, or a baby who you’d like to help keep attuned to their body through Elimination Communication, having a little extra time together might give you a rare opportunity to help them along their journey with deepened communication and understanding – something that will only help to bring you both success and a shared feeling of pride in your achievements.

Be well. You’ve got this.

Potty Independence, Potty Training

Summer is Here – Time to Play, Party, Picnic, and… Potty Train!

June 24, 2019 ruthanndrummond

The first day of summer and longest day of the year is now past. It really crept up on me this time, partly because I’m running after two very active little boys and can barely keep track of the days of the week, and partly because it never felt like we had a spring. In Toronto, we have had a cold, wet and dreary season full of chilly rain, mud and very few flowers, but suddenly we’re seeing some sunny warm (even hot!) days, accompanied by bursts of colour that beckon us outside.

For many, summer is the time to take a vacation, to have street parties, to get off work early and relax. Many kids are home, at camp, or enjoying fun activities as they recharge from their school year. The long, lazy days of summer are two months of the year where it’s okay to be out of our normal routines.

For some parents and kids, however, this summer is not quite like others. This summer is the summer before the start of Junior Kindergarten – a major transition for many 3 and 4 year old children and their families, including my own. The start of Kindergarten brings with it a plethora of emotions for children and parents alike – from excitement and anticipation to trepidation and anxiety. A journey into unknown territory of new people, new environments and new routines.

Parents want the best for their children, and so many of us put a lot of effort into preparing our children for Kindergarten. From reading stories about the first day of school in an effort to ease anxieties, to trips taken to the school playground to familiarize our children with their future daytime environment, to special back-to-school outfits, lunchboxes or backpacks that mark this special rite of passage, a lot of thought goes into making our children’s transitions to school as pleasant as possible.

Some parents and children, however, face added stress and anxieties about starting school because of potty training. With the age of potty training completion rising year after year, a culture that expects children to tick off a “readiness” checklist before starting to train, and the expectation that children will self-initiate the process, many 3 and 4 year old children have either not finished or not yet begun their potty training process. This isn’t the fault of the parents or the children. It is the inevitable result of the current prevailing potty training culture in North America. This culture has parents scared to attempt potty training their children, for fear of damaging them psychologically or even physically, which are understandably outcomes no parent can bear to think they might inflict.

For families like these, where potty training is not yet complete (or not yet begun), and the child will be entering Kindergarten in the Fall, a LOT of stress and pressure can be put on the need to finish the process in the next couple of months. Unfortunately, stress and pressure are the fastest ways to derail the potty training process. Every year, I hear more and more stories of parents who spend an entire summer focused on the need for their child to be potty trained, and who try method after method with varying degrees of success, week after week, as the pressure mounts. I hear of children who are put through intensive training on the labour day weekend in a desperate final attempt to prepare them for school. I see families who have missed out on their opportunity to enjoy a very special summer focusing on the exciting aspects of this transition.

If this is you – if your child is not yet trained and will be entering Kindergarten in September, my advice to you is to begin now. While it is absolutely possible to potty train many children at a quick pace over 3-10 days, do not wait until August. Why? First, because there is a difference between being potty trained, and being toilet independent, and sometimes tying up those loose ends to help your child reach toilet independence takes a little bit of time. Second, because every day that passes increases the need, and therefore the stress and pressure, for your child to be potty trained. And as I’ve already mentioned, there is no faster way to derail the potty training process than injecting it with stress and pressure. Starting now will give you the time you need to train your child calmly and respectfully, while allowing your own stresses a little room to breathe.

If your child still has a year or more before Kindergarten, my advice to you is… to start now! If you have been following me, know my website or know me and my philosophies, you’ll know that I believe children of ALL ages and abilities can start their journey to toilet independence at any time. With babies 0-18mth, this can be done through Elimination Communication, and children 18mth+ through Non-Coercive Potty Training. No “Readiness” checklists need to be met, no developmental milestones crossed, no level of self-initiation or interest declared. Through a confident, parent-led approach, your child can be potty trained without coercion, and without causing psychological or physical damage. What determines when a child can begin their journey to toilet independence is whether or not the parent is ready, not the child. So take the lead, declare your readiness and march boldly ahead! When the summer before Kindergarten comes, you won’t regret you did.

Potty Independence, Potty Training

The Dreaded Potty Regression!

April 11, 2019 ruthanndrummond

Today, I want to talk a little about regressions. If you’ve read some of my other posts, you know that we potty trained our youngest at 18mths, and it went really well. At 20mth, he was basically 100% reliable, even at daycare, save for the very occasional times of extreme excitement where he just couldn’t be aware enough of his body. But 1 accident in a 2 week period at 20 months was pretty good – we certainly weren’t complaining!

Then, all of the sudden, at close to 22mth, he started having a lot more accidents. They weren’t when he was running frantically with his brother, but just any time, as though he couldn’t be bothered anymore. Instead of running up to us saying “pee poop!” when he had to go, he would walk over and state “pee… wet.” and he’d be soaked.

As parents, when things are going well, we can start to take them for granted. We expected him not to have any issues because he hadn’t been having any issues… but that’s not a realistic expectation in the toilet learning process. While it’s absolutely natural to feel frustrated or annoyed that your [previously accident-free] toddler or preschooler is now standing in the middle of the floor and peeing without even moving towards a potty, this is one of those times in parenting when you need to gather yourself, take a deep breath, and remind yourself of all the amazing developments these little people are going through. They truly have a LOT on their plates, and sometimes, some processes will take a step back to give others space to flourish. But don’t worry – your child will get back to consistent potty habits soon – once a little equilibrium is reached.

So, what can cause a regression in the toilet learning process? In truth, almost anything.

Any change in environment – a move; a new daycare, preschool or school; a new caregiver at home; a parent going back to work or changing jobs; a pregnant parent; a new sibling; a vacation away from home; etc. – can cause a regression.
Any change in emotional environment – parental discord, stress, or anxiety; divorce; parent-child discord, receiving less attention or feeling less attachment, feeling parental pressure; tension with a sibling; poor relationship with a caregiver or teacher in the home or at a daycare, preschool or school; etc. – can cause a regression.
Physical changes – growth spurts; teething; sleep regressions; illnesses; etc. – can cause a regression.
Developmental changes – mental leaps and new understandings of the world; learning to talk; learning a new base skill; etc. – can cause a regression, too.

If you look at this list, how many toddlers and preschoolers do you know who live in a perfect balanced stasis where nothing is changing in their environment, their bodies or their minds? None. Even in a household of perfect calm (which I am going to guess is pretty rare), a child of this age isn’t healthy unless they are growing and learning all the time. Sometimes, all of that growing, processing, learning and understanding takes precedence over your child’s ability to tune into their body and keep their toileting on track. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s normal, healthy, expected, and a sign that your toddler or preschooler is doing everything they’re supposed to be.

For us? Well, our little guy is just at the beginning of a language explosion, all 4 of his canines are swollen and expected to cut soon, and he has a really bad cold. The culprit? Who knows! Any of those could cause a regression on their own, let alone in combination! But it doesn’t really matter. A regression is not a sign of anything going wrong, but rather that your child is totally on target!

Regressions are not forever. Yes, they can be frustrating, annoying, infuriating, or evoke any number of complex emotions from parents, but they will pass fairly quickly. Soon, they will become a tiny blip in your child’s toilet learning journey that you probably won’t even remember in a year or two, when you’re recounting potty training stories to friends.

To survive a regression, just stay consistent, kind and compassionate. Gently but firmly remind your child that pee goes in the potty/toilet, not in pants or on the floor. If you, like me, had moved into a place of taking your child’s toileting practices for granted, take a step back and re-attune to their signals so you can help them be successful. Do everything you can to avoid getting angry with your child, or shaming them for an accident. This is not their fault. They want to succeed at this, and they want to please you. They didn’t do it on purpose and they don’t want to be wet. Calmly provide them with the extra support they need during this overwhelming time, and they will find their way back to where they were – usually in 2 short (or maybe long…) weeks or less.

So… take a deep breath, take care of yourself (and do what you need to re-centre), and then take a moment to celebrate this time of immense fluctuation in your child’s life. Because a toileting regression doesn’t mean potty training has derailed. Rather, it means that you and your child are right on track!

Elimination Communication, Potty Independence, Potty Training

Spring Has Sprung!

March 21, 2019 ruthanndrummond

It’s finally here! I hope, wherever you are, you have had a lovely winter. In Toronto, it has been long, cold, and full of inhospitable weather! I love a nice snowfall, winter play, and being outdoors, but this year’s extreme cold, preponderance of freezing rain/ice pellets/rains followed by flash freezing/ etc. have made enjoying the winter with my two kids under 4 a challenge. However, with the arrival of the first day of spring we have finally seen some temperatures above zero and the melting of the massive amount of ice that had accumulated under the snow this season. Spring has arrived – I’m sure we’ll be seeing those first blossoms soon!

Not that we didn’t get some benefits out of winter… Since my youngest started his potty training in November, he has made his journey to potty training completion through the cold wintry days. We have thus mastered things like stand-up pees in snowsuits, and giving enough warning of an impending pee to get somewhere appropriate earlier than we did with his older brother. Winter was a time of transformation, and I am glad we had it, but I am certainly ready to move on!

While I wouldn’t normally advise a family contemplating potty training to wait until spring, I am also mindful of how intimidating the extra complications of snowsuits and multiple layers can bring. I recently wrote about simplifying how we dress our little ones to set them up for success, and winter doesn’t simplify anything! I have observed that most people tend to begin their family’s potty training journey in the spring or summer, when clothes are simple and some people have the opportunity to spend much more time outside. If you’ve been waiting, now’s your chance!

Especially if you have a child who will be starting at a new school in September, and you’re hoping they’ll be out of diapers by then, I would strongly encourage you not to wait until summer. Why? Because this will add pressure to you, the parent (as you sense a looming “deadline” for completion), and you will not be able to feel that kind of pressure and stress without it transferring to your child. If there’s one thing kids are really, really good at, it is sensing and mirroring emotions and stress in us. And if there’s one thing that is sure to derail your potty training process, it’s stress and pressure.

If you’re familiar with my posts or my practice, you’ll know that I believe the potty learning journey can begin at any age in a healthy and supportive way, through either Elimination Communication (for 0-18mth) or Non-Coercive Potty Training (18mth+). Kids are ready to learn at any age, so when potty training happens (for children 18mth+) actually depends on when parents are ready to start.

Why not start now?!

Elimination Communication, Potty Independence, Potty Training

Dress for Success! – Avoiding the drawbacks of modern clothing in independent toilet learning

February 2, 2019 ruthanndrummond

For the last 5 decades, the average age of potty training completion has been rising. Yes, this has to do with a deeply-instilled fear due to the success of the “wait for readiness” campaign. Yes, it has to do with social changes that have both parents working and with less available time to dedicate to things like potty training. Yes, it has to do with a more complicated lifestyle where we’re over-scheduled and under-rested. But there are some other more hidden aspects of our modern lives that can also hinder toilet learning, and that’s what I want to talk about today.

If you’ve seen vintage images of babies from a few generations ago, you may have noticed that both girls and boys were most often dressed in flowy gowns, which made for easy access to their cloth diapers or bare bottoms. What you may not have known is that those children, on average, completed their potty training by 18mths. In those days, as soon as you started to walk, you started to learn to use the potty. And the babies and parents were successful in this not only because they were confident in their abilities (since this was the social norm and expectation), but also because they were dressed in a way that made getting to the potty as easy as possible, removing an extra obstacle that can hinder the process.

As with anything we do, potty training, no matter what age we start it with our children, requires us (or, more accurately, our child) to dress for success! Now, I don’t mean little bow ties and cute dresses (although that would be adorable!), but rather the idea that if you want your child to succeed in their potty learning journey, you need to set both them and yourself up for the least possible hassle and fuss. This means easy on and off for quick trips to the potty or toilet, and for toddlers and older children it means clothing they can manipulate independently without trouble.

Let’s talk onesies for the younger set. Onesies are possibly the most commonly thought of baby clothing item. They’re small, easy to store and care for, not too expensive, and they don’t hike up in a car seat, stroller or carrier. They hide the diaper and look tidy under a cute pair of pants. All wins! So, what’s the issue? The snaps are the issue. Those snaps add one level of complexity – one more thing to fuss with – on the journey to the potty, and after not that long it can feel quite cumbersome to undo and redo them several times a day. It can end up being a deterrent strong enough that you just don’t want to bother doing it. Not exactly a recipe for success.

If you are practicing Elimination Communication with your baby for the first time and are already feeling a little overwhelmed by the process (or even if you’re not!), ditch the onesies! T-shirts, diaper and legwarmers are a warm and practical way to dress. This way, all you have to do is remove the diaper. There are no extra steps! If you’re going out, leave off the legwarmers and go with pants instead, but quickly yanking off the pants and having access to the diaper is still going to be easier than fussing with the snaps of a onesie once the pants are off.

For toddlers who are just beginning to learn about manipulating clothing, and for preschoolers who can manipulate some clothing, dressing for success means dressing for the easiest, least-frustrating pants on/off scenario possible (at least until they have toileting mastered and need a new skill to conquer). This means no overalls, no onesies (they come in sizes up to 24mth now!), no tight or stiff jeans, and no snaps, buttons, or zippers that need fidgeting. It even means no drawstrings (that require tying). You’re looking for comfortable, pull-on track pants, joggers, or looser leggings that will slide down easily without having to undo anything, slide down low enough to not impede sitting position, and slide back easily with nothing to have to do up.

If you are trying or intending to night train your child, all of this applies to nighttime, too. One-piece sleepers are cute and warm, but difficult to get off quickly for a parent and almost impossible for a child who is just learning to use the potty. Two-piece pajamas are absolutely a more practical choice for toilet learning – at any age.

If you’ve ever struggled to get a toddler or preschooler in the toilet learning process to the potty in time, you know how important a couple of extra seconds can be. Dressing for ease in toileting will help you and your child to achieve potty success!