potty training age – Go Diaper Free with Ruthann Drummond, Certified Consultant & Coach

Pandemic Potty Training

July 16, 2020July 16, 2020 ruthanndrummond

It has been too long since you’ve heard from me. Sorry! As I’m sure every one of you knows, this year has been strange. Things have been different. Things will never be the same.

Apart from the obvious pandemic, our family welcomed a new baby into our family, so we are starting a new journey to toilet independence all over again. Our Little Dude had his first EC catch when he was 2 days old, and has been on the potty every day since. I have no idea when he will finish – every child has their own unique journey – but I am confident that his experience with EC will serve him well when it’s time to potty train, just as it did for his brothers.

While the pandemic has been so hard in so many ways (our baby is still waiting to meet his grandparents 😦 ), it has also presented some unique opportunities to some families. I have had many clients who have decided to take on potty training because they are home with their children, when they may have delayed jumping in, either because they just didn’t have enough time with their kids, or in the vague hope that daycare would spearhead it for them. I have seen parents newly able to tune into their children’s signals, improve their communication and reduce their power struggles. While their have certainly been many challenges (like juggling full-time work from home while entertaining and homeschooling stir-crazy little ones during all the shut-downs), some parents have managed to embrace the rare opportunity this time has given them to connect in new ways to their children and come up with creative approaches to make sure everything (or almost everything) still gets done.

July is often a month of panic for some families with potty training on their minds. Often, parents are concerned that their children, entering Kindergarten or a new preschool with potty training requirements just won’t be ready in time. This year, with so much uncertainty about how the new school year will unfold, these feelings may be even more complicated or more intense.

Breathe.

We have come so far. As a family. As a community. As a country. We will get through this together. We’ve got each other’s backs.

Take this time – this strange, scary, confusing, but also unique time – to notice and get to know your children in a new way. Be creative. Be compassionate. This time is just as overwhelming and confusing for them. Work together as a family and be there for one another.

If your child has yet to begin their journey to toilet independence, this might be a great time to start. Whether you have a child closing in on Kindergarten who needs to potty train quickly, a toddler who you’d like to see take charge of their own hygiene needs, or a baby who you’d like to help keep attuned to their body through Elimination Communication, having a little extra time together might give you a rare opportunity to help them along their journey with deepened communication and understanding – something that will only help to bring you both success and a shared feeling of pride in your achievements.

Be well. You’ve got this.

Elimination Communication, Potty Independence, Potty Training

Spring Has Sprung!

March 21, 2019 ruthanndrummond

It’s finally here! I hope, wherever you are, you have had a lovely winter. In Toronto, it has been long, cold, and full of inhospitable weather! I love a nice snowfall, winter play, and being outdoors, but this year’s extreme cold, preponderance of freezing rain/ice pellets/rains followed by flash freezing/ etc. have made enjoying the winter with my two kids under 4 a challenge. However, with the arrival of the first day of spring we have finally seen some temperatures above zero and the melting of the massive amount of ice that had accumulated under the snow this season. Spring has arrived – I’m sure we’ll be seeing those first blossoms soon!

Not that we didn’t get some benefits out of winter… Since my youngest started his potty training in November, he has made his journey to potty training completion through the cold wintry days. We have thus mastered things like stand-up pees in snowsuits, and giving enough warning of an impending pee to get somewhere appropriate earlier than we did with his older brother. Winter was a time of transformation, and I am glad we had it, but I am certainly ready to move on!

While I wouldn’t normally advise a family contemplating potty training to wait until spring, I am also mindful of how intimidating the extra complications of snowsuits and multiple layers can bring. I recently wrote about simplifying how we dress our little ones to set them up for success, and winter doesn’t simplify anything! I have observed that most people tend to begin their family’s potty training journey in the spring or summer, when clothes are simple and some people have the opportunity to spend much more time outside. If you’ve been waiting, now’s your chance!

Especially if you have a child who will be starting at a new school in September, and you’re hoping they’ll be out of diapers by then, I would strongly encourage you not to wait until summer. Why? Because this will add pressure to you, the parent (as you sense a looming “deadline” for completion), and you will not be able to feel that kind of pressure and stress without it transferring to your child. If there’s one thing kids are really, really good at, it is sensing and mirroring emotions and stress in us. And if there’s one thing that is sure to derail your potty training process, it’s stress and pressure.

If you’re familiar with my posts or my practice, you’ll know that I believe the potty learning journey can begin at any age in a healthy and supportive way, through either Elimination Communication (for 0-18mth) or Non-Coercive Potty Training (18mth+). Kids are ready to learn at any age, so when potty training happens (for children 18mth+) actually depends on when parents are ready to start.

Why not start now?!

Elimination Communication, Potty Independence, Potty Training

Dress for Success! – Avoiding the drawbacks of modern clothing in independent toilet learning

February 2, 2019 ruthanndrummond

For the last 5 decades, the average age of potty training completion has been rising. Yes, this has to do with a deeply-instilled fear due to the success of the “wait for readiness” campaign. Yes, it has to do with social changes that have both parents working and with less available time to dedicate to things like potty training. Yes, it has to do with a more complicated lifestyle where we’re over-scheduled and under-rested. But there are some other more hidden aspects of our modern lives that can also hinder toilet learning, and that’s what I want to talk about today.

If you’ve seen vintage images of babies from a few generations ago, you may have noticed that both girls and boys were most often dressed in flowy gowns, which made for easy access to their cloth diapers or bare bottoms. What you may not have known is that those children, on average, completed their potty training by 18mths. In those days, as soon as you started to walk, you started to learn to use the potty. And the babies and parents were successful in this not only because they were confident in their abilities (since this was the social norm and expectation), but also because they were dressed in a way that made getting to the potty as easy as possible, removing an extra obstacle that can hinder the process.

As with anything we do, potty training, no matter what age we start it with our children, requires us (or, more accurately, our child) to dress for success! Now, I don’t mean little bow ties and cute dresses (although that would be adorable!), but rather the idea that if you want your child to succeed in their potty learning journey, you need to set both them and yourself up for the least possible hassle and fuss. This means easy on and off for quick trips to the potty or toilet, and for toddlers and older children it means clothing they can manipulate independently without trouble.

Let’s talk onesies for the younger set. Onesies are possibly the most commonly thought of baby clothing item. They’re small, easy to store and care for, not too expensive, and they don’t hike up in a car seat, stroller or carrier. They hide the diaper and look tidy under a cute pair of pants. All wins! So, what’s the issue? The snaps are the issue. Those snaps add one level of complexity – one more thing to fuss with – on the journey to the potty, and after not that long it can feel quite cumbersome to undo and redo them several times a day. It can end up being a deterrent strong enough that you just don’t want to bother doing it. Not exactly a recipe for success.

If you are practicing Elimination Communication with your baby for the first time and are already feeling a little overwhelmed by the process (or even if you’re not!), ditch the onesies! T-shirts, diaper and legwarmers are a warm and practical way to dress. This way, all you have to do is remove the diaper. There are no extra steps! If you’re going out, leave off the legwarmers and go with pants instead, but quickly yanking off the pants and having access to the diaper is still going to be easier than fussing with the snaps of a onesie once the pants are off.

For toddlers who are just beginning to learn about manipulating clothing, and for preschoolers who can manipulate some clothing, dressing for success means dressing for the easiest, least-frustrating pants on/off scenario possible (at least until they have toileting mastered and need a new skill to conquer). This means no overalls, no onesies (they come in sizes up to 24mth now!), no tight or stiff jeans, and no snaps, buttons, or zippers that need fidgeting. It even means no drawstrings (that require tying). You’re looking for comfortable, pull-on track pants, joggers, or looser leggings that will slide down easily without having to undo anything, slide down low enough to not impede sitting position, and slide back easily with nothing to have to do up.

If you are trying or intending to night train your child, all of this applies to nighttime, too. One-piece sleepers are cute and warm, but difficult to get off quickly for a parent and almost impossible for a child who is just learning to use the potty. Two-piece pajamas are absolutely a more practical choice for toilet learning – at any age.

If you’ve ever struggled to get a toddler or preschooler in the toilet learning process to the potty in time, you know how important a couple of extra seconds can be. Dressing for ease in toileting will help you and your child to achieve potty success!

Potty Independence, Potty Training, Uncategorized

Is Early Potty Training Harder Than Waiting Until A Child Is Older?

January 2, 2019January 2, 2019 ruthanndrummond

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No. In fact, there is much evidence to indicate that it is easiest to potty train a child between the ages of 18 and 29 months. Around 2.5 years, there is a developmental shift that brings about new testing behaviours and it is much easier to fall into difficult power struggles that can derail the process. By potty training your child as a toddler, rather than a preschooler, you avoid a lot of this complication and establish toileting as a regular part of their day and a simple matter of course.

Parents build up potty training as something to be feared. They are afraid that it will take a lot of time and be a lot of work. They are afraid of accidents, especially while out and about. They are afraid they will fail and stunt their child’s toileting journey.

Potty training DOES take time and IS a lot of work, but that doesn’t change whether you start it at 18 months or at 3 years. The process requires dedication and focus from parents, no matter the age you’re starting from. All it does is change the amount of time you will be changing your toddler or preschooler’s diapers. And THAT is a lot of work!

Accidents WILL happen. It doesn’t matter if you have a non-verbal toddler or a fully conversational preschooler. Learning to identify bodily signals when you have been used to using a diaper as an instant toilet takes practice, and it’s a learning curve no matter how old you are or how honed your communication skills are. Some parents think they can wait until 4 years old and it will be easy because their child will just know what to do. In reality, older children are even further removed from an understanding of their bodily functions – their learning curve is steep and their habits are more entrenched.

Will your child have accidents? Yes. Is it something to be feared? No, it is not. Young children aren’t old enough to be embarrassed by them, and anyone who has any experience with children won’t even give you a second glance. The key is to be prepared. Rather than traveling with diapers, you will be traveling with changes of clothes at the ready. It’s a small shift in preparedness, that’s all.

Can you derail your child’s toileting journey if you start when they’re young? Well, yes. Do you have to? No, absolutely not. Parents are their child’s most important teachers and leaders in the potty training process, but they are also very capable of projecting their own stresses and fears on their children. If you are stressed about potty training, so will your child be. If you don’t believe that your toddler is “ready” to potty train, they won’t believe they are ready either. If, however, you have confidence in your child and your ability to guide them, you can move them toward toilet independence at a very early age. It just takes dedication, focus, and a belief in your and your child’s abilities. Toilet independence is just around the corner. Your child is ready now. Are you?

Elimination Communication, Potty Training

Our 18mth Old Is Potty Trained!

December 14, 2018 ruthanndrummond

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Our 18mth old is now potty trained! I wanted to share my story, to help other families feel confident in their early potty training, too.

First, some back story: I practiced Elimination Communication with both of my kids from the first couple weeks of life. Since they were newborn, they have been used to peeing and pooping while sitting on or being held over potties and toilets – at least some of the time.

With our first, we practiced focused EC part-time, tuning into our child’s toileting needs while still having him in a diaper backup, and making a conscious choice to rely on a diaper in certain situations (i.e. when in music class, on car trips, in snowsuits, etc.). He took to EC very well from the start and would sit on the potty happily for long periods of time, which increased his catches. By 11mths, he naturally stopped pooping anywhere other than the potty, and would never poop when out and about. Because of this, by 14mths I decided we would ditch daytime diapers and work on getting him more consistent with pees. This ended up being a long road, possibly because we used cloth training pants which may have slowed down his learning, and more probably because our lives got busier around that time, and we didn’t have as much focus on the process. At 19.5mths, he was still not consistent with his pees, so I planned to “finish up” his EC with a potty training experience and picked a date for 3 weeks later. But 2 weeks after that, something just “clicked” for him, and everything started falling into place. He was potty trained at 21mths.

The experience with our second has been very different (as it always is!). We started off with great success as an infant, and were very excited about how his process was going, especially since our focus and time was now split between two little people. And then, at 8.5mths, he learned to crawl. He is a very, VERY active and inquisitive boy, who was excited by his new-found mobility and was NOT willing to sit still on the potty to wait for a pee or poop, as our first had been. There were places to go, things to explore, stuff to climb! Our catches plummeted, and rather than being a typical potty pause of 3-14 days, he just wasn’t coming out of this phase. 11mths came and passed and there was still no sign of less poops in diapers. 14 mths came and passed and still there was little progress. At 16mths, I felt diaper exhausted (this was 7 mths longer than my first used diapers already!), and also discouraged by his whole toilet learning journey. We felt drained and unable to put the energy into his EC practice when we weren’t seeing results, and EC became a pretty casual thing that we were doing daily, but with way less focus. He was still learning important steps, like mounting a potty on his own, but using one was a different matter. I decided that we needed to regroup and refocus, and that this time we would go for it and pick a date for a potty training experience weekend to help things to “click.” That weekend was last weekend, and at 18mths old, our second child is potty trained!

As an EC and potty training consultant & coach, I am really excited by this, because now I’ve personally experienced success happen both organically when an EC practice is really solid, and also with a preemptive potty training “finish up,” when EC was a little more nebulous. And while I have coached families through potty training their children, it was an illuminating experience to do it with my own. I am proud of our accomplishments, and excited about my new insights and confidence in how these processes can work (both separately and together) to help our children reach potty independence sooner!