Tag: Potty Training Coach

Potty Independence, Potty Training, Uncategorized

Is Early Potty Training Harder Than Waiting Until A Child Is Older?

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No. In fact, there is much evidence to indicate that it is easiest to potty train a child between the ages of 18 and 29 months. Around 2.5 years, there is a developmental shift that brings about new testing behaviours and it is much easier to fall into difficult power struggles that can derail the process. By potty training your child as a toddler, rather than a preschooler, you avoid a lot of this complication and establish toileting as a regular part of their day and a simple matter of course.

Parents build up potty training as something to be feared. They are afraid that it will take a lot of time and be a lot of work. They are afraid of accidents, especially while out and about. They are afraid they will fail and stunt their child’s toileting journey.

Potty training DOES take time and IS a lot of work, but that doesn’t change whether you start it at 18 months or at 3 years. The process requires dedication and focus from parents, no matter the age you’re starting from. All it does is change the amount of time you will be changing your toddler or preschooler’s diapers. And THAT is a lot of work!

Accidents WILL happen. It doesn’t matter if you have a non-verbal toddler or a fully conversational preschooler. Learning to identify bodily signals when you have been used to using a diaper as an instant toilet takes practice, and it’s a learning curve no matter how old you are or how honed your communication skills are. Some parents think they can wait until 4 years old and it will be easy because their child will just know what to do. In reality, older children are even further removed from an understanding of their bodily functions – their learning curve is steep and their habits are more entrenched.

Will your child have accidents? Yes. Is it something to be feared? No, it is not. Young children aren’t old enough to be embarrassed by them, and anyone who has any experience with children won’t even give you a second glance. The key is to be prepared. Rather than traveling with diapers, you will be traveling with changes of clothes at the ready. It’s a small shift in preparedness, that’s all.

Can you derail your child’s toileting journey if you start when they’re young? Well, yes. Do you have to? No, absolutely not. Parents are their child’s most important teachers and leaders in the potty training process, but they are also very capable of projecting their own stresses and fears on their children. If you are stressed about potty training, so will your child be. If you don’t believe that your toddler is “ready” to potty train, they won’t believe they are ready either. If, however, you have confidence in your child and your ability to guide them, you can move them toward toilet independence at a very early age. It just takes dedication, focus, and a belief in your and your child’s abilities. Toilet independence is just around the corner. Your child is ready now. Are you?

Elimination Communication, Potty Training

Our 18mth Old Is Potty Trained!

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Our 18mth old is now potty trained! I wanted to share my story, to help other families feel confident in their early potty training, too.

First, some back story: I practiced Elimination Communication with both of my kids from the first couple weeks of life. Since they were newborn, they have been used to peeing and pooping while sitting on or being held over potties and toilets – at least some of the time.

With our first, we practiced focused EC part-time, tuning into our child’s toileting needs while still having him in a diaper backup, and making a conscious choice to rely on a diaper in certain situations (i.e. when in music class, on car trips, in snowsuits, etc.). He took to EC very well from the start and would sit on the potty happily for long periods of time, which increased his catches. By 11mths, he naturally stopped pooping anywhere other than the potty, and would never poop when out and about. Because of this, by 14mths I decided we would ditch daytime diapers and work on getting him more consistent with pees. This ended up being a long road, possibly because we used cloth training pants which may have slowed down his learning, and more probably because our lives got busier around that time, and we didn’t have as much focus on the process. At 19.5mths, he was still not consistent with his pees, so I planned to “finish up” his EC with a potty training experience and picked a date for 3 weeks later. But 2 weeks after that, something just “clicked” for him, and everything started falling into place. He was potty trained at 21mths.

The experience with our second has been very different (as it always is!). We started off with great success as an infant, and were very excited about how his process was going, especially since our focus and time was now split between two little people. And then, at 8.5mths, he learned to crawl. He is a very, VERY active and inquisitive boy, who was excited by his new-found mobility and was NOT willing to sit still on the potty to wait for a pee or poop, as our first had been. There were places to go, things to explore, stuff to climb! Our catches plummeted, and rather than being a typical potty pause of 3-14 days, he just wasn’t coming out of this phase. 11mths came and passed and there was still no sign of less poops in diapers. 14 mths came and passed and still there was little progress. At 16mths, I felt diaper exhausted (this was 7 mths longer than my first used diapers already!), and also discouraged by his whole toilet learning journey. We felt drained and unable to put the energy into his EC practice when we weren’t seeing results, and EC became a pretty casual thing that we were doing daily, but with way less focus. He was still learning important steps, like mounting a potty on his own, but using one was a different matter. I decided that we needed to regroup and refocus, and that this time we would go for it and pick a date for a potty training experience weekend to help things to “click.” That weekend was last weekend, and at 18mths old, our second child is potty trained!

As an EC and potty training consultant & coach, I am really excited by this, because now I’ve personally experienced success happen both organically when an EC practice is really solid, and also with a preemptive potty training “finish up,” when EC was a little more nebulous. And while I have coached families through potty training their children, it was an illuminating experience to do it with my own. I am proud of our accomplishments, and excited about my new insights and confidence in how these processes can work (both separately and together) to help our children reach potty independence sooner!

Elimination Communication, Potty Independence, Potty Training

Pressure, Pushing, & Potties, Oh My!

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I want to write today about something that comes up over and over on every parenting forum and group I see. As soon as someone posts about potty training, there is a flood of comments of: “don’t push it,” “no pressure,” and “take it slow.”

Somewhere along the way (in response to the “wait for readiness” campaign, which I talk about on my Readiness Myth page), our cultural perception became that anything but child-initiated potty training (from a child who is also likely 3yrs+) is inherently laced with rushing, pressure, and coercion; that potty training as an early and/or parent-led process will put undue stress on a child, sabotaging success and perhaps even causing long-term damage, either psychologically or physically.

I’ve written before about the Fear of Potty Training, which feeds into this, but today I wanted to address the difference between moving at a quick pace, within clear, defined boundaries, and moving at a gradual pace, within nebulous or inconsistent boundaries.

For some reason, setting boundaries has become difficult for many parents in our society. But toddlers and preschools thrive in a predictable world of routines, rituals, and rules. When they know and understand the limits, they feel the freedom to explore everything within those limits freely and comfortably, whereas children who are constantly seeking their boundaries, or whose boundaries are inconsistent, generally feel more anxiety and less freedom to explore.

As parents, we are our young children’s literal lifelines, and they instinctively know this. They have an evolutionary imperative to depend on us, 100%, to be their capable guides and leaders in the process of growing up. They want and need to feel like we’re in control, that we always have their backs, and that we can handle all of their moods and behaviours without judgement, no matter what. Yes, they ultimately want to be independent, and they will constantly try out how that feels. But for now, they need to know that they can depend on us to get them there.

What does this mean, for potty training?

Potty training your child clearly and quickly at a young age (18mth+, and occasionally even younger), is actually GENTLER, than potty training your child casually and gradually, and waiting for them to tick off all of the “readiness” boxes (usually at around 3yrs).

Why?

Because giving them clear boundaries to operate within aligns with their developmental life stage, and makes things EASIER for them. Because it puts you, the parents, in the leadership role, which is what your child wants and needs from you. Because giving children the freedom to explore within the boundaries you have set helps them to learn the skill faster and with more confidence, and with much less confusion.

In all but Western countries, the NORM is for children to be potty trained between 12 and 18mths. Their cultures [rightfully] believe them to be capable at these ages, and potty training is seen as a simple matter of course, taken on with confidence by parents who have never been taught to doubt in their child’s abilities. The children are given a clear path to follow, and thrive under their parents’ confident guidance.

Potty training at a young age is not synonymous with pressure and coercion. It does not mean you are pushing your child to do something they are not ready to do. It does not cause your child any damage. Likewise, potty training quickly (whatever the age) does not mean you aren’t being gentle and supportive. It does not mean that you are rushing or forcing your child. It does not mean that the process will fail. You and your child can have the same success in 12 days that you can have in 12 months – it’s all a matter of attitude, commitment, and clarity.

No matter the age of your child, they are capable of beginning their toilet learning now, and are only waiting for your confident guidance. Proceed with intention and clarity, and Toilet Independence will be just around the corner. 😊

Potty Independence, Potty Training

Potty Training in Toronto in Crisis

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Toronto Potty Training

I’m just not sure how else to describe it.

While it can be an exciting time of transition, September can bring with it a lot of  anxiety, especially for young families. Routines change, schools change, and with that comes a potential change in naps, which can cause young kids to become overtired and have a more difficult time regulating themselves in this already tumultuous phase. Many children are away from their parents for extended periods for the first time, or more than they ever have been, and emotions can be running high already. Parents are wrought with worry about how their children will adjust to all of these changes, and are carrying a lot of their own anxiety. The last thing anyone needs – child or parent – is to add worries about potty training into the mix!

Unfortunately, for many families, toileting issues as their children begin school can be an enormous worry and stress in their lives. This summer I ran into, spoke with and overheard more parents who were expressing their concern that their child wasn’t potty trained before the start of kindergarten than ever before. These are families who have been exclusively depending on diapers for four years or more! It’s exhausting to think about the number of diaper changes that must have entailed, or the money that must have been spent. But for whatever reason (often, they didn’t clearly see their child meet the so-called “readiness” requirements, but sometimes because they were in such a habit of diapering that they just couldn’t see their way out of it and didn’t have the energy or resources to feel prepared for potty training), they were approaching the beginning of their child’s school career, and were starting to worry that they wouldn’t be able to send them. What an enormous worry and incredible burden that must be, especially when not being able to send your child to kindergarten and seeking alternate childcare could end up being financially crippling to some families.

The big problem is that, as soon as an end date is in sight, there is enormous pressure on the parents to have their child potty trained by that date. And as soon as parents are feeling pressure – no matter how hard they try to keep that burden to themselves – the children are feeling pressure, too. Children are amazing that way – they can sense and will mirror the emotional energy in the household without fail. And the number one way to derail your potty training efforts is to operate under pressure!

The result? What I have heard over and over again the last few months has been “we tried potty training, but it didn’t work.” Then, pressure turns to panic, which doubles the pressure, and attempts number two, three, etc. can be worse and worse until child and parents all are overwhelmed with stress and their self confidence has been undermined.

It doesn’t have to be this way!

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In an effort to create a safe space for help and support, I have just created the Go Diaper Free of Toronto Facebook Group – a private support group for those looking for help, advice, and camaraderie with other parents and caregivers experiencing the same struggles (and successes!). While aimed at Toronto residents, it will be open to those from other areas looking for community. Please, if your child has entered school and you are still worrying about toilet independence, find support now so you can get out of this cycle of stress. It’s not healthy or fair for you or your child to feel this way – and help, support and community are all out there for you. If your child will be entering school next year and they are not yet potty trained, start now. Don’t wait for the pressure to mount – all you are doing is making it harder on yourself and your child. If you are still waiting for your child to be “ready,” please visit my page on readiness. You and your child can both do this. Your child is capable, now, and the process doesn’t have to be laden with stress, pressure, or worry. Pick a date and make a commitment. Your whole family will be happier for it (and so proud, too!).

Elimination Communication, Potty Independence, Potty Training

Beginning the Journey to a Potty Independent Child

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I am so excited to be in a position to helpEC at 4wks families embark on their own journeys to potty independence! My own family’s adventure began a little over three years ago, when my first son was 2 weeks old. I had stumbled across information on Elimination Communication while researching diaper consumption, and was instantly fascinated by the idea. Everyone I spoke to thought I was completely crazy when I would talk with enthusiasm about babies who used potties from birth, and when I became pregnant and was obviously determined to give it a try, I knew that they secretly thought I would fail and give it up.

Then, on my first day of trying it out, at only 2 weeks old, I caught our first pee, and was hooked! At 11mth we changed our last-ever poopy diaper, and at 14mth we packed away IMG_3144 pickdaytime diapers for good. Although we hit some pretty rough (so, so rough!) bumps on the road, our little guy was completely potty trained at 21mth.

I watched as my new mom friends struggled with the idea of potty training, especially at a young age. It was evident that societal pressure was telling them that it was “too early” to start, and that somehow their child (probably around 3 years old) would show magical “signs of readiness,” which would be their cue to start. Because of these inhibitions, I watched parents experience anxiety over whether or not their child would be potty trained in time for kindergarten, because they were being told their children weren’t “ready yet.” And frankly, it was awful to watch. It was awful for the children to be denied the opportunity to take control of their own hygiene needs, and it was awful for the parents to experience so much fear, anxiety, and guilt over the potty training process. I knew I had to help, and I completed the Go Diaper Free Certified Coach Training Program so that I would have the tools to do so.

Now I have worked with newborn babies beginning their Elimination Communication journey, with young toddlers who are potty training much earlier than the societal norm, and with preschoolers who didn’t start until after their third birthday. No matter the age, I am so proud to help babies and children (and their families) reach toilet independence.

So, when’s the right time to start? That depends entirely on potty indpendentyou! Your child is ready when you are ready, whether at 1 day old or at 3+yrs. No one’s journey is in any way invalid, and no one should ever experience guilt, fear, or anxiety over their child’s potty learning. Parenting is hard enough already, without adding on that stress!

In my [extremely biased!] opinion, I think the best time to start is NOW, whatever the age of your child. It is never too early (or too late!) to help a child to recognize their own bodily signals and to teach them to eliminate in potties and toilets, rather than soiling themselves. This can be done either through Elimination Communication (for babies 0-18mth), potty training (toddlers and preschoolers 18mth+), or a combination of both. If you, as a parent, are feeling ready (and no worries if you aren’t – there’s a lot of cultural conditioning that parents have to combat here!), this journey can start NOW!