Tag: regression

Today, I want to talk a little about regressions. If you’ve read some of my other posts, you know that we potty trained our youngest at 18mths, and it went really well. At 20mth, he was basically 100% reliable, even at daycare, save for the very occasional times of extreme excitement where he just couldn’t be aware enough of his body. But 1 accident in a 2 week period at 20 months was pretty good – we certainly weren’t complaining!

Then, all of the sudden, at close to 22mth, he started having a lot more accidents. They weren’t when he was running frantically with his brother, but just any time, as though he couldn’t be bothered anymore. Instead of running up to us saying “pee poop!” when he had to go, he would walk over and state “pee… wet.” and he’d be soaked.

As parents, when things are going well, we can start to take them for granted. We expected him not to have any issues because he hadn’t been having any issues… but that’s not a realistic expectation in the toilet learning process. While it’s absolutely natural to feel frustrated or annoyed that your [previously accident-free] toddler or preschooler is now standing in the middle of the floor and peeing without even moving towards a potty, this is one of those times in parenting when you need to gather yourself, take a deep breath, and remind yourself of all the amazing developments these little people are going through. They truly have a LOT on their plates, and sometimes, some processes will take a step back to give others space to flourish. But don’t worry – your child will get back to consistent potty habits soon – once a little equilibrium is reached.

So, what can cause a regression in the toilet learning process? In truth, almost anything.

• Any change in environment – a move; a new daycare, preschool or school; a new caregiver at home; a parent going back to work or changing jobs; a pregnant parent; a new sibling; a vacation away from home; etc. – can cause a regression.
• Any change in emotional environment – parental discord, stress, or anxiety; divorce; parent-child discord, receiving less attention or feeling less attachment, feeling parental pressure; tension with a sibling; poor relationship with a caregiver or teacher in the home or at a daycare, preschool or school; etc. – can cause a regression.
• Physical changes – growth spurts; teething; sleep regressions; illnesses; etc. – can cause a regression.
• Developmental changes – mental leaps and new understandings of the world; learning to talk; learning a new base skill; etc. – can cause a regression, too.

If you look at this list, how many toddlers and preschoolers do you know who live in a perfect balanced stasis where nothing is changing in their environment, their bodies or their minds? None. Even in a household of perfect calm (which I am going to guess is pretty rare), a child of this age isn’t healthy unless they are growing and learning all the time. Sometimes, all of that growing, processing, learning and understanding takes precedence over your child’s ability to tune into their body and keep their toileting on track. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s normal, healthy, expected, and a sign that your toddler or preschooler is doing everything they’re supposed to be.

For us? Well, our little guy is just at the beginning of a language explosion, all 4 of his canines are swollen and expected to cut soon, and he has a really bad cold. The culprit? Who knows! Any of those could cause a regression on their own, let alone in combination! But it doesn’t really matter. A regression is not a sign of anything going wrong, but rather that your child is totally on target!

Regressions are not forever. Yes, they can be frustrating, annoying, infuriating, or evoke any number of complex emotions from parents, but they will pass fairly quickly. Soon, they will become a tiny blip in your child’s toilet learning journey that you probably won’t even remember in a year or two, when you’re recounting potty training stories to friends.

To survive a regression, just stay consistent, kind and compassionate. Gently but firmly remind your child that pee goes in the potty/toilet, not in pants or on the floor. If you, like me, had moved into a place of taking your child’s toileting practices for granted, take a step back and re-attune to their signals so you can help them be successful. Do everything you can to avoid getting angry with your child, or shaming them for an accident. This is not their fault. They want to succeed at this, and they want to please you. They didn’t do it on purpose and they don’t want to be wet. Calmly provide them with the extra support they need during this overwhelming time, and they will find their way back to where they were – usually in 2 short (or maybe long…) weeks or less.

So… take a deep breath, take care of yourself (and do what you need to re-centre), and then take a moment to celebrate this time of immense fluctuation in your child’s life. Because a toileting regression doesn’t mean potty training has derailed. Rather, it means that you and your child are right on track!